Power and Forgiveness

What is Power? Merriam-Webster has several definitions of the word Power.

definition of power:

But what does it really mean? To me having power means you can do what you want. It means you can forgive someone or not. You can love who you want or not. You have control over your decisions. Power comes in so many different shapes, sizes and uses that most people don’t even recognize when their power is being taken from them. I think the best way to take back our personal power and show strength, is to forgive.

definition of forgive:

• 1: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) ; forgive one’s enemies

I’m not saying that forgiveness is easy. It’s something I struggle with everyday, especially when it comes to forgiving myself, but there are so many people and things in our lives worthy of our power that if forgiveness is necessary then it should be something practiced everyday. I come from a long line of strong women on both sides of my family and the strongest of them all were the ones that actively practiced forgiveness for themselves and for others. As I got older I realized that I’m just as powerful as some of those women I have come to admire. I don’t need to be better than others or hurt them. I just need to practice forgiveness.

I feel as though I have the act of forgiving others down pretty well, now that doesn’t mean that I walk up to someone and said, “hey I forgive you for hurting me” as they most likely would look at me like I’m nuts. No, I try very hard to let go of slights and grudges and try to “cease to feel resentment” because to me those are powerful words. Cease to feel resentment. It’s not easy. I’ve also found it’s easier to forgive someone else than to forgive myself. I used to use my resentment as a warm blanket at night. Feeling safe and content in my righteousness. But the only person my resentment and grudge holding ever hurt was me because underneath that warm blanket of resentment I didn’t feel very good. I didn’t like me and because I didn’t like me, I ate. I ate a lot and I did it alone, away from where people could see me. But the one thing I forgot was that I could see me and all I was doing was giving my power away to resentment, to anger and to fear. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said once, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

I’ve worked hard to develop “the capacity to forgive” but I’m not perfect, in fact far from it. I still actively struggle with forgiving myself and let other people live “rent free in my head” as my husband says. But I’m trying. I’m trying to not treat myself so harshly and I’m trying to take my power back from that little girl hiding under a blanket of anger, it’s not really her fault, she was just protecting herself the best way she knew how. I’ve got to let her go though so that I can forgive the grown woman who still hides alone to eat her pain away. I wish it was as easy to do as it was to forgive the other people in my life who I’ve allowed to hurt me, even if they didn’t know it. I need to allow power and forgiveness to walk hand in hand. Even though I’m not fully there yet, I’m still happier than ever about where I am today. I go to sleep each night letting go of the day’s anger and I wake up happy. I just need to be brave enough to take that last step to free the little girl so she can free the woman and I know I’m closer that I ever have been before. ♥